i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
