There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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