You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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