people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
