You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
