Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
