I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
