If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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