I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
