I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
