Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
