Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
PANTIES FOUND
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