Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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