just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My balls are so social today.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
