everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
