i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
