I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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