U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
