from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When are your genitals available?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
