Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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