whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
