and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
