I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
