ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
