If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
