So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
