I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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