So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
