Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Shame - the story of my life.
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