i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
