Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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