apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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