Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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