Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My cat gives me a boner
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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