yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
