It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
