I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
