I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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