let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
