Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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