fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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