just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
