is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize