I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
