Just took my morning after pill in the library
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
