I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
