Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
