I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
no, he came in my armpit
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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