i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
