i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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