i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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