I could have mohawked her pubes.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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