nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
