I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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