Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
