i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
