I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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