This is not my ceiling
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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