She's JV to your varsity
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
