TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
