I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
