i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
