By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
