pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
