I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
