You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize