Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
