I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
