I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
