Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
