I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
