trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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