if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
