i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize