At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
