Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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